The benefit of appreciation and reciprocation
A friend and I ate dinner at a small soul food restaurant a few evenings ago. We sat near the TV and watched a popular sitcom while eating. The TV show focuses on a couple and the man’s parents and brother. The main couple both expressed to each other how they felt unappreciated. They gave a short list of things they were doing but did not feel appreciated. The meddling parents of the man began to do the exact same thing to each other. A TV show or not, I have experienced this and have witnessed it throughout the years from a little boy.
This is a natural and severe dilemma in some relationships. A marriage counselor wrote about a personal experience in his book that has stayed with me. I’m not sure, but the book possibly was a version of the “Five Love Languages”. The writer tells a story of how he went to take out the trash, and one of his female neighbors saw him and approached him. She began to tell him how he needed to fix her husband. She started with the complaint that he had not painted the bedroom. She continued on with a list of things that he was not doing. The writer stopped her and asked if her husband did anything good. She responded with a short list of things that he did well. He then asked her whether her husband knew she wanted the bedroom painted. She responded yes. The writer suggested not to ask him anymore because he knows that you want it done. He also recommended that she start showing appreciation for the things that he was already doing. I can’t remember the duration of time before the writer and the woman saw each other again. But she was excited and began to tell the author how her husband had painted the bedroom. He also finished a list of different things she wanted to be done. The woman expressed how happy she was that the relationship was working better.
In most cases, this type of scenario goes both ways. Many times, both partners feel very unappreciated in the relationship. This can cause resentment, bitterness, and a decline in giving. Looking back at the scenario between the author and his neighbor. Once, the husband felt appreciated by his wife for the things that he was already doing. He felt free to give her the things that she wanted from him. If we view the things that our partner does for us as if they are supposed to be doing them, it will cause issues. Love or not, we all have a choice to do or not to do! It’s interesting how we sometimes show more appreciation to strangers and coworkers. More than we do our partners. Sad but true. Because they love us, we don’t have to be appreciative, thankful, or courteous. If we remember that our partners have options, we would treat them like we want them to stay.
Saying thank you is a great practice. But when someone is doing things for you on a regular basis, including things that take significant effort, time, money, and care, we need to do more than say thank you. We need to show our appreciation in action in some form or fashion. Genuine appreciation will cause a desire to reciprocate in some way. It is our response to our partners for what they have done or are doing. If your partner feels appreciated, they will love to keep on giving!
In what ways could you show your appreciation through reciprocation? Also, what would make you feel appreciated?
I gave cards, wrote notes, left voicemails, and always let him know that I appreciated him for all that he had done. I say this in past tense because we are divorced. I will do those same things and more once blessed with the opportunity. Outstanding book, The 5 Love Languages. I’ve read a lot by the authors. Great post and reminder.
Thank you Lynette! As simple as it may seem, we know that this is huge! Thanks for stopping by!